so! i have tried to update this, and every time i have i get a weird error message. so i'm hoping that doesn't happen this time. because it's been ages.
first SNOW DAY of the year today! you have no idea how excited i am right now. it was snowing alllll day yesterday but nothing was sticking on the roads or anything, so i crossed my fingers for a two hour delay. i wake up and check away messages, duhh :P and discover that we have NO SCHOOl and i got so happy. like.. i honestly don't think i've been this happy in a very long time.
i feel like i'm 5 years old again. i jumped on both my sleeping sisters to wake them up and tell them and pretty much bounced around the house.. and looked out the windows.. and got vitamin water.. rofl.. and put on cozy clothes. omg. cannot even express how excited i am right now.
and me and chel were talking about all the things we used to do during snowdays in like.. 5th grade, like neopets (HAHAHA), and building igloos, and probably the hugest snowman alive, and zoo tycoon (we think we totally invented sleepy on a snowday. and the battlegrounds.) explanation: see, sleepy was this tyrannosaurus rex we had that would always like.. walk into the electrical fences and fall asleep. rip sleepy<3 ROFL and this one time, we decided to make a battlefeild. it was just a long cage, and we'd put two animals on each end.. and they'd charge at each other and a big cloud of smoke would happen! and we'd try to guess and see who would come out alive.. ahaha. we had this one penguin. omg. he beat a giraffe. or something else equal in ridiculous-ness.
and how her stepdad used to make this huge snowtubing thing in her backyard, and we'd just be flying down that thing ALL day. and we'd make the thing at the end that was supposed to STOP us really low so that we'd go flying off of it into the woods, and hopefullyyy not hit a tree.. which did happen a few times :P but it was so fun. i miss being a little kid. a lot.
anyways, so on friday i went to nj because my parents had to go to my great aunt's wedding and kids weren't invited. or something. and i realized how much i MISS it there. like.. last year school year and over the summer i'd go every possibly chance i could get for a LONG as i possibly could. i don't think i even saw my house for a whole week at a time over the summer. but this year i haven't even been there for more than i day. i'm just so BUSY with ryot on sundays and school and other things. i hope i don't get any major projects or anything over christmas break so that i can go for a while. cause i really miss being there, and i miss my allie!, and i miss amanda cooking macaroni and cheese for me at 1 in the morning, and i miss moviefests with toph, and i miss.. everything with taja. haha
if this huge huge journal entry doesn't work, i will probably be upset.
- Location:snoweddd in :D
- Music:clever meals -tegan and sara
if i said that ryot today was extremely frustrating today, it would be an UNDERSTATEMENT.
i basically felt like all that was happening was me and kaitlynn getting attacked, because everyone totally ganged up on us. i thought ryot was supposed to be a place where we were allowed to talk things out and share our opinions on things without someone jumping down our throats, but i guess i was wrong. i felt like i COULDN'T have an opinion. and they made me feel like a completely horrible person.
i just think that i'm extremely realistic. and to think that you're going to change the world is an impossible thing to think. i know that ryot has made a HUGE impact on our area and i know the world is changing, but i honestly don't think that it's possible to change ANYTHING in the entiiiire world. it's a big place, and every culture, every person is different. obviously to make the changes that ryot is making, you need to have an optomistic outlook on everything, and i totally believe i do, i believe we can make a gigantic change in our area, in our country, i just don't think that we're going to change the WORLD. and i don't think i should get yelled at for saying that.
also, i'm an extremely laid back person. i don't get offended by just about anything, and i get over things quickly. so it's REALLY hard for my to try and comprehend how other people deal with things and what other people get offended by, but i think i'm respectful to them and their opinions. my opinions should be respected as well. to be in anything like this you grow A LOT as a person, and i'm really really trying. but by saying how i feel, and sharing what i see that's going on around me and getting completely shot down for it isn't exactly making me that keen on wanting to speak up for myself anymore.
i don't know. i basically just feel like complete shit about myself and i'm kind of scared to go back to ryot cause i know me and kaitlynn are totally on everyone's bad side right now.
i'm trying, and i'm really trying to understand everything and be wary of what other people may get offended by, but you're not going to please everyone, ever. these kids are supposed to be educators. i want to learn from them and grow from them, but making me feel bad about myself isn't the way to do it.
it's just so so frustrating.
anyways, on a lighter note: azlyn is tomorrow :D i'm so excited!
- Location:mommy's room
- Music:always and never -silverstein
i had a dream last night that me, my mom, and my sisters were moving back to new jersey. but not anywhere that i knew, it was like.. somewhere by a beach. but still with woods. so we go to see our new house and it's small? but the rooms are the coolest ever. and there are A LOT of rooms, all crammed together in a maze-y kind of way. and we kept finding new rooms, because at first i thought me and my sisters would have to shar a room, but then we'd find another door. and another room. and for somereason there was like.. an excess of bathrooms. so that we all got our own bathroom.. and then some.
then i had a dream about halloween and how everyone would go to school on halloween night instead of wherever you would normally go? :P and i was like.. 47238947298 different things because i kept changing. or someone would change out of something and i'd put it on. it was really strange. i don't really remember lots of details in that one.
anyways, open mic night was last night! it was amaaaazing. and a guy from africa was there playing the drums, kind of ironic because his name was maxwell kofi, and it was at 7th street.. a coffee shop, haha. but it was just about the coolest thing ever. and now i want to go to africa even more.
i should get ready to leave soon.
- Music:the points underneath -the honorary title
i had the weirdest dreams last night. backstory, what happened in the dream, was when you saw this guy who was a ghost (you would see him and then he's fade away) that meant that you were gonna be the next person that he was going to take. so there was this big party, and basically like.. everyone in school and then some where there. and one by one everyone kept disappearing. soon there was only a few of us left.
oh! interruption. because i woke up so many times last night, there was little mini dreams that went in between this big dream. and this one in particular i was REALLY mad at chel, for somereason i don't know. and she had long hair again. but i was chasing her with a pro-tractor. and i stabbed he rin the hand with it. because i was really mad. rofl. sorry chel.
anyways, there's only a handful of kids left, and we all pretty much know what's going on. so we drive to another house.. which was mine. for another party.
another mini dream. i was up in my room, trying to find a hoodie and i had to turn off my tv, so i would press the button to turn it off, and the screen would turn off but the sound wouldn't. so i tried this a bunch of times, got frustrated, and just put it on mute and left.
back to the big dream. we heard a rumor that there was this hugehuge party in the woods, so we went looking for it. and sure enough there was this big barn, and inside was all the people that were captured, which was a releif because everyone thought that when you were captured, you were killed. so we were confused. then i saw the ghost guy (which i saw like.. 473897298 times throughout the dream) and he finally caught me.
then it went straight to this HUGE room, where every single person was laying donw in rows on a sleeping bag, except i was under mine. and the ghost guy is pacing the room and watching us. he was asking questions, but i don't remember them, and he was saying that he needed us for his new movie. it was weird. and that was pretty much it.
another interesting fact, i fell asleep last night watching the hills and when i woke up this morning it was the same episode, at the same part where i left off. haha.
alright! going to ryot!
- Music:1979 -smashing pumpkins
so when i took my daily after school nap i had the WEIRDEST dream ever. it was halloween, and i was home with chel? i think it was her. and nothing happened, but we just knew that there was a ghost in the house. so chel left because she had to go somewhere with her mom and i was home alone. i had a tegan and sara shirt (ahaha) and i was re-sewing it and it started to get dark, and i still knew that the ghost was in the house. which is wierd cause like i said before, nothing happened to validate it, i just knew. then i called chel up because we needed to go to some type of meeting somewhere and her mom had to drive us cause my parents weren't home. so they pull up in my driveway and chel's mom is like.. jk, i'm not driving you. for some totally random reason i don't really remember.
so we got really mad and went over to her house cause they were having some kind of halloween get-together. and i remember being a total bitch to her mom for not bringing us. and feeling really bad about it cause i would never do that. rofl. anyways, the whole dream was super choppy and i don't remember what happened after that, which is quite possibly the most annoying thing ever, but it was WIERD.
also, i did alot of thinking today like.. how crazy it is that any person in your life can just be gone. just like that. it puts alot of things into perspective, i think. and it's kind of like it can't even fully register that it happened? cause with carin i was talking to her on the bus before she left to go home. and then that night the fire happened. it's just a really strange way to feel, because you KNOW it happened, but it's hard to comprehend that it happened? so now with tom it's just crazy, because you'd never ever expect it. in a million trillion years.
i remember how he'd come into our art class everyyy day last year and sit with us until he'd finally hafta actually go to class. and the face clay pot he was making that wasn't supposed to have any real life reference, and his teacher would be on him about how it looked exactly like the koolaid man ..which it was. but she didn't have to know that. haha. obviously kelsey is having the hardest time ever, and i hate to see her sad :( and just like a few entries back i said i don't know how to deal with people when they're upset, that's how it is. like.. especially when something like that happens, there's only so much that you can say and none of it is going to matter. i'm just glad that she could still laugh even a little bit.
"anything a squirrel can do.. a preposition can! :D"
i'm pretty sure kelsey said memorial services where on friday, if i can get a ride i think i'll go :(
- Music:ooh la la -goldfrapp
i'm sick of people being depressed all the time.
like, really. get over it.
and i know that sounds so horrible. and i can say these things so easily because i have NO IDEA what it feels like to be in a constant state of depression. sure i get bummed about things, but i'm willing to bet money that i have never gone a day in my life without smiling or laughing. i'm just a generally happy person, and it's really hard for me to stay down. i CAN'T stay down. like.. i always get over things real quick and just brush it off and poof! i'm happy again. or at least alright!
and it's actually really weird for me when people are upset, because i have no clue how to deal with it.
of course i'm sympathetic for people, and i know they get sad.. it's what people do haha. but when you hear the same things over and over day after day it's just annoying. because my mindset is, that you CAN be happy if you wanted to and if you weren't so stubborn. or just wanted excuses to be sad. make a difference in your own life. do something about it. and get over it.
i feel really mean and horrible saying that all these depressed people should get happy again, because i know A LOT of people can't do it at the snap of a finger like i can. and that's why it's just SO hard for me to understand.
they CAN'T get happy, just like i CAN'T stay sad.
dasnjkndajkndak it's so frustratinggg!
so i hope i can get my point across without coming off as a total asshole.
it's late, and i'm sleepy.
be happy :)
- Music:the fix -minus the bear
i feel bad cause i don't have anything to update this withhh. kind of.
but! it's the first day of my favorite month, let's hope this october is a good one. i can't wait until halloween, me and chel bought our wigs already. i must say we're going to be the best paris hilton and nicole richie ever.
quick post! cause i only have like.. 5 minutes until i have to go put my pants on. haha
so om tryouts were yesterday.. not like half of us even have to go to them. i think they were trying to be sneaky by doing the whole numbers instead of names thing, but it's borderline ridiculous how obvious all of us are. plus, they always find ways around everything to get the kids they want. anywaysss i'm excited to see who the new person on our team is rhis year.
and i hope they're not an asshole.
okay, busy weekend, bye!
- Location:early early
- Music:a shot in the dark -a day to remember
you know what i hate! when people ruin songs.
i know you have it, everyone does, those songs that just remind you of someone for one reason or another. sometimes it's good, but for me at least, the majority of the time it's bad. haha
now i figure there's like.. 3 parts to this. the songs that people have in their away messages or infos but you never know what it is. then you're listening to a random song one day and you're like.. OH THAT'S THE SONG. okay, and the only time's this has happened to me, they've been good songs in bad people's infos. also, there's the songs that you're absolutely in love with and they get tainted. my favorite song of ALL TIME has this happen to it frequently (taja knows this, haha). but it's like.. did you really just have to make a reference to that song? really? you're never going to forget that in some way, these people are associated to these songs now. and it sucks! because i don't know about you, but when i listen to me favorite song, i don't want to be reminded of people i hate, thx. last, there's just those songs that remind you of certain people. might be the lyrics, the band, or for no particular reason at all. it just happens. so i partially lied, because most of the time this has a good outcome for me, rofl. MOST!
anyways, this entry was brought to you in part by me being extremely bored and waiting for kat von d to come on tv.
i really should be making an important phonecall in the near future for gsa, but i think it's weird calling people you've never talked to before, especially when i don't even really know why cindy gave me the number or what i'm supposed to be talking about. i dunno.
i'll do it.. tomorrow :P
so i just uploaded 4 new pictures onto my deviantart, which i've been neglecting for months. 3 out of those 4 were unfinished.
the whole summer i didn't get ANYTHING done, and i'm so frustrated by it. like.. i just can't finish anything anymore. i don't know why. i think i just haven't had that huge burst of inspiration that i need to really get something out there and complete. the 3-panel painting i did, i got done in 2 nights. now that's 3 mini paintings, and i can't even get one piece anymore?!
i can't think of any designs for jewelry class either, which should be the easiest thing in the world. i'm kind of scared for part 2 of painting this year. cause i was ahving this problem at the end of last year when i had painting 1, and things totally come out 100% better when you have the motivation and inspiration to do it. if it's not there, the picture's just kind of empty. but painting 2 is alot more important i think, and i really have to start thinking about getting things together for my portfolio next year.
smd, artist's block.
- Music:reverse this curse -escape the fate